The Zito Negotiations

Scott Boras has quite a history with big market MLB teams. So much so that they have special strategies for dealing with him when negotiation time comes. Some executives have gone so far as to say that Boras makes up outrageous lies about inflated offers from "mystery teams" to inflate his players' value. Is Boras on his way to a sophomore slump now that he's played his way through the league a few times?

I rented a time machine and cloak of invisibility so that I could be a fly on the wall of the Zito negotiations with Mets GM Omar Minaya and bring you a glimpse into what lies ahead:

Omar Minaya: Good morning Mr. Boras, how have you been?

Scott Boras: I've been great Omar, and please, call me Scott. Let's get down to business, shall we?

OM: Never one to waste time, Scott. I like that. We are prepared to offer Barry $14 million a year for 4 years to pitch for the New York Mets.

SB: Are you kidding? He's worth twice that!

OM: Scott, I don't see why you would scoff at us. It's a fair offer!

SB: Look, I have offers from other teams for $20 million dollars a year for 6 years, and you want me to let Barry eat your scraps?

OM: $20 million for 6 years? What other teams? Even Steinbrenner isn't that crazy.

SB: Never mind that. Look, let's talk about Barry. I don't think you realize what you're investing in here.

OM: And what would that be?

SB: Did you know that Barry was voted most likely to succeed in high school?

OM: I don't see how that...

SB: Enough about the past. I don't like to live in the past. Did you know that Barry has spent the last 3 winters training 8 hours a day...

OM: Well that is impressive.

SB: ...on the MOON!?

OM: Haha. You are joking.

SB: Not at all. He learned how to pitch the Galaxyball from Martians!

OM: Galaxyball?

SB: You betcha. 110 miles per hour and it drops 35 feet. He can throw it 300 times in one day. He had a titanium shoulder installed, and the matching elbow's going in on New Year's. He is studying Zen pitching with a Shaolin monk so he can learn...

OM: How about $16 million a year for 5 years?

SB: Omar, you've got yourself a deal.

So there you have it. You heard it here first, folks.