The Little Show

Weekly Line Bitches

2007-04-30T14:26:00.000-04:00

No Pitching this week. I did play Catcher and get my first throwout at second of the season. Guy tried to run on a passed ball...jackass.

That said, I did get some plate appearances:

2AB, 2B, 2BB, 1R

This was a pretty good day for me. Unfortunately, I got my double in the 1st inning and grounded out when I lead off the 9th. I missed a home run by about two feet as the beisbol allegedly bounced over the fence. We lost 6-2, but we could have been a little more competitive. We probably won't lose again this season.

Thank you...and keep your gizzard tucked in next time.

My Weekly Line

2007-04-25T12:48:00.000-04:00

Something smells out there. Wait...it's me.

Pitching: 7IP, 8H, 5R, 4ER, 5BB 7K, W (2-0) .

This wasn't a bad performance for me. It certainly wasn't my best. I definitely did not have my best stuff. I walked the bases loaded in the first and gave up four runs.

Batting: 8AB, 4R, 2H, 1HR, 2RBI, 1BB.

Right now I am hitting .278 for the season...unacceptable. After hitting a tater in my first official at-bat, I couldn't hit the ball well. It would either be a can of corn to the right fielder or a meek ground ball to some other asshole.

OOO...SORI...SORI...

2007-04-12T09:53:00.000-04:00

Hey Alex. How are ya? Oh YOU even know that Soriano does not belong in the leadoff spot? Sure, he hit there for a little more than half the season in 2006 and he put up some good numbers. A team with title aspirations can not be wasting a 40/40 type player in the leadoff spot. Say he hits 30 of his 40 potential home runs whilst leading off the game? You are only winning 1-0 at that point. Someone with all five tools needed to succeed should not be languishing in the leadoff spot. Cubbies will disappoint again. Unfortunately, this is the most wide open the NL Central has been in a really long time. It is a bad time to make bad decisions. That said, Let's go Mets.

Roger that?

2007-03-28T13:59:00.000-04:00

Clemens wants to wait a month and see who has the greatest chances of winning a World Series. Wang is out for a month and Pavano is leading the Yankees on opening day. I like the chances of the Red Sox having Clemens take Tavarez spot in the rotation. As far as Houston goes...yeah right. Houston has no chance of putting together a solid season and Clemens wouldn't fall for that again would he? I guess all there is left is to question Rogers ability at this time in his career. We haven't had a reason to doubt him yet, but he is an old man. How much would it suck to have 4 million dollars a month burning on the DL? Time will tell, but he wants to be a part of something special and I bet you there would be nothing more special than leaving baseball as a World Champion Red Sox.

You know what they make you do in prison? Toss the salad

2007-03-28T11:39:00.000-04:00

He's done it. Ugeth Urbina, or as I like to call him Zorro, has been convicted of attacking people with a machete and pouring gasoline on his victims. I really don't give a crap, but I'm happy I found a good way to post a picture of Jay and Silent Bob.

*I know that's not the right quote. I took liberties with it because I don't know if they have counties in Venezuela. SO LEAVE ME ALONE

Fantasy Rosters

2007-03-26T09:35:00.000-04:00

Like many fans, I play fantasy baseball. This is, if I remember correctly, my 4th season playing. I've played in three separate leagues (three separate circles of friends) in head-to-head, points, and rotisserie scoring variations. I have yet to attempt an auction or salary cap league, but I'm sure that will come with time. Anyway, I'm playing in two leagues this year. One is on Yahoo!, which is awesome 'cause it's free. The other is on The Sporting News, which is awesome because they have really in depth expert advice. Anyway, here are my rosters:

Yahoo League:
C- Joe Mauer
1b- Carlos "Delgordo" Delgado
2b- Ray Durham
3b- Scott Rolen
SS- Jose "Professor" Reyes (today I teach you how say clap)
OF- Carl Crawford
OF- Jermaine Dye
OF- Torii Hunter
Util- Rickie Weeks
Util- Richie Sexson
Util- Nick Swisher
BN- Tadahito Iguchi
BN- Willy Taveras
BN- Paul "DoLuca" LoDuca
BN- Paul Bako

SP- Chris Carpenter
SP- C.C. "where's my run support" Sabathia
SP- John "Slackjaw" Lackey
RP- Billy "the geezer" Wagner
RP- Jason Isringhausen
RP- Joel Zumaya
P- Dan Haren
P- Bronson Arroyo
P- Kelvim Escobar
BN- Jonathan Broxton
BN- A.J. "DL" Burnett

Notes: I'm pretty speed heavy here. I was late to the draft, and Jose Reyes and Carl Crawford got auto-drafted for me. Nobody needs both those guys. If I had been around, I would have drafted someone with some power in the second round, but that's what trades are for.

T.S.N. League:

C- Mike "Pizza" Piazza

1b- David "Viva El Papi" Ortiz

2b- Tadahito Iguchi

3b- Miguel Cabrera

SS- Carlos Guillen

OF- Ichiro Suzuki

OF- Jermaine Dye

OF- Juan Pierre

Util- Corey Patterson

Util- Moises Alou

Bn- Jason Varitek

Bn- Mark DeRosa

SP- Chris Carpenter

SP- John "Yokel" Lackey

SP- Ervin "no, the other Santana" Santana

RP- Bobby Jenks

RP- Bob Wickman

P- Jake Westbrook

P- Scot Shields

Bn- Kenny "Mudgate" Rogers

Bn- Dan "Lidge, who?" Wheeler

Bn- Anthony "best socks" Reyes

Notes: Jim informs me I'm speed heavy here too, but if one of my bench guys is more productive than Patterson, I'm right in the thick of it. Jim also informs me, I'm projected to have a .300 team average. Between the lines is the fact that I'm betting on several contingencies- a) that Brad Lidge's post traumatic stress disorder will linger and the 'stros will turn to wheeler; b) that the Fat-Closers-Named-Bob-Club can put down the chili and net me a couple saves; c) that Ervin Santana will finally blow up; d) that John Lackey won't blow up in the negative sense; e) that this is the season Anthony Reyes becomes an ace; f) that Jermaine Dye can repeat last year; g) that Mike Piazza will stage his comeback. It seems like a lot, but most of these things are, in my opinion, quite likely to come out my way (especially b, c, d, and g.)

Dee Dee Dee

2007-03-22T16:15:00.000-04:00

No story here, just wanted to share a picture of Ken Griffey Jr. looking like a muppet with palsy. Feel free to comment.

Real American Zero *click here

2007-03-22T13:30:00.000-04:00

Mr. Great Tickets Guy
Bud Light presents real american zeros
(real american zeros)
Today we salute you, Great Tickets Guy
(Great Tickets Guy)
Real men don't just sit and watch the game from the best seats behind homeplate, real men have friends and a cell phone, they wave whenever their buddies say they are on TV.
(Look I am on the TV)
Ninth inning, the game's on the line, it all comes down to you.Will you give a thumbs up?, or a peace sign?
(Oh it's a hang loose)
Who cares who won the game? There are no more at bats.
(I am famous oh so famous)
So grab an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Great Tickets Guy. you may never meet anyone who recognizes you, but you taped the game.
(Tivo!)
and that's gonna be a family heirloom.
(My great, great, grandfather the TV STAR!)

See the link for a peak.

Have another you fuckin lush!

2007-03-22T11:03:00.000-04:00

Well Tonya LaRussa has become the manager of the All-DUI team. You wonder why he wore the sunglasses during night games? Obviously the glare from the lights made his hangover worse. Since I can't think right now, can we make the All-DUI team? Come on with players from each position who have been arrested for a DUI. Was John Kruk? I don't know. He should have been.

PAP SMEAR

2007-03-22T09:46:00.000-04:00

I doubt I will ever read that title on the Boston Herald, but hey this is a blog and it doesn't have to be tasteful.

Today the story is Jonathan Papelbons sudden acceptance into the bullpen role. Once avoiding it as if it were the Yankees company cook out, he has decided that he will do what is best for the team. Which to me says, "I don't think I have a choice. If the team starts to lose, I am not going to let the ship go down when I have the perfectly sized finger to plug the hole." The Red Sox had full confidence at the begining of spring training that this issue would be solved. It hasn't.

Mike Timlin is on the DL and Julian Krugger might be able to get it done, but overall I can't get the memories of Paps dominence to just fade away. It's like the first time you had full service on your foul pole. That memory is something you may fall back on years to come...ok I didn't intend on that pun. If closers started losing games, we'd all start chanting and calling for Paps to become our savior. Then of course the big wigs who pony the cash would also have to make a decision, not based upon Jonathan's happiness and preferance, but of the Nations.

I think we will be fine and I also hope Papelbon is a starter from now until the end of his career here in Boston. The kid is worth 20 wins if the bullpen doesn't hand out loses like Enron. I am back here to blog. The season is a little more than a week away and i's time for the stories around the diamond to counts. I have a question for readers, what shade of lip stick does A-Rod wear? Enquiring fiances want to know.

I'm a Pro

2007-03-05T18:14:00.000-05:00

It's official. I've been published in an ESPN.com baseball blog. Jayson Stark's to be exact. Now forget about the fact that it's not my blog, or that it's unsolicited information that I e-mailed to ESPN because I was bored and I'm a loser, or that it was drastically edited (meaning only half of what I submitted got on there, with approximately none of the words I actually used). Just remember. I'm on an ESPN blog, you're not (unless you are, in which case we should hang out). ESPN blogs are part of the insider package thing, which means they charge you to read it. Now why do that when you can read my brilliant prose here for free?

Here's what it says for those of you who aren't insiders and hence are less cool than me and probably don't get published in multinational blogs by billionaire broadcasting companies:

"And now, here are your favorite box-score lines from the weekend, as submitted by our trusty readers:

2 IP, 0 H, 0 R, 0 ER, 0 BB, 4 K

Speaking of dark-horse Cy Young candidates, loyal reader "Matt in New Jersey" submitted that line, by Jonathan Papelbon, March 3 vs. the Phillies. The strikeout victims included Ryan Howard and Aaron Rowand. "

Now, what Stark left off (probably to avoid having ESPN fire him and pay me half as much to do his job) is Joel Pineiro's line from that same game:

1.1 IP, 4 H, 4 R, 4 ER, 2 BB, 0 K, 1 HR

You needn't reach for a calculator, I'll save you the trouble. That's a 15.43 ERA. Keep in mind, this is the guy the Sox are eyeing to close games this season because the aforementioned Papelbon has health issues that leave him better suited for the rotation.

So here's how the joke can go this Spring:

What do Jonathan Papelbon and Joel Pineiro have in common?

Neither of them can save games for the Red Sox.

[insert rim-shot here]

Build it and he will come

2007-03-01T13:28:00.000-05:00

Why is Manny in a cornfield?

A-Holes

2007-02-23T13:59:00.000-05:00

When visiting MLB's site earlier today, their main feature photo caught my attention. It was Mike Piazza in an Oakland A's uniform, looking especially scruffy. It was a stark contrast to the picture I had of him in my head: clean-cut and donning a spiffy white Padres uniform. Thinking about it for a few moments, I realized the A's are the unsung bums of west-coast baseball. Boston tends to get all of the glory for fielding a team of long-haired, five-o-clock-shadowed, shit-stained-helmeted idiots. But this whole time, there's been an oft-overlooked team of nearly equally dirty bums nestled right in the butthole of San Francisco: Oakland!

Mike Piazza

Mike has shifted between the bearded and clean shaven look throughout his career. Yet when he hung it up with the Mets and booked it to San Diego, it looked like he was taking on the respectable, short-haired look for good. Think again, bat-man.

Barry Zito

It's nearly impossible to find a photo of this guy without long hair or some peach fuzz, but that's only because he's been with the giants for all of about five minutes.

Jason Giambi

It's taken some getting used to but now all I picture when I think of the Giambino is a chubby-faced deodorant spokesperson. He used to be one scary, hairy mo-fo. He prolly stunk too.

Johnny Damon

Seriously.

The Mets front office are a bunch of these...

2007-02-23T08:43:00.000-05:00

"Thank you for participating in the online random drawing for the opportunity to purchase tickets to Opening Day and the Subway Series games to be played at Shea Stadium. We are sorry to inform you that your entry was not selected in this drawing."

- New York Mets Form email sent to unlucky lottery losers on 2/22/07.

"Fuck you," - John Revis 2/22/07

I know it's sour grapes. I was one of the people not "selected" for eligibility to buy opening day tickets and Subway Series tickets. The way it used to be worked fine. It was always survival of the fittest. Sometimes I knew I would not get through (e.g. "Real" Subway Series in 2000) and other times I would hope like hell and get quite lucky (e.g. NLCS '00 Vs. the Cards). There was nothing like finding out whe tickets went on sale and then doing everything I can to be one of the first ones to be waiting on hold for a ticket representative. This year that rush was taken away form me and a whole bunch of Mets fans. There are some apologists for this malarkey.

"This way the Mets are keeping the tickets out of the scalpers' hands." - Member of the Mets Message Board

Yes...dummy...because everyone knows scalpers are too busy standing outside the venue trying to sell their tickets to have an email address, or twelve.

"It is the best way for the Mets to sell their seven packs" - Another Douche Bag

Well the best way to sell the seven packs is to have some attractive games in there besides the fuckin Brewers on May 11th. Another way to make sure they sell is to put a good product on the field, which they have covered pretty well.

Ok I'm good now. Hopefully one of my other email addresses or one of my buddy's fifteen email addresses pulled through for us. Thanks for letting me vent. Stay classy.

My Name is Matt and I Approve These Hats

2007-02-22T13:07:00.000-05:00

Ok, we've made a few posts in the offseason to keep this blog from being completely fallow, but now it's spring training, Daisuke Matsuzaka has his visa (I hope), Papi has a new truck, Manny's getting a new car, and J.D. Drew proved to the world that he has not one, but two arms attached to his torso. Now it's time to get into full swing as baseball fans, and I'm doing my part by writing about textiles.

Major League Baseball has announced a switch from wool uniform caps to high tech synthetic ones. By all reports, the new hats look the same, feel different. They are still manufactured by New Era in the 59Fifty 6-panel style that has become so familiar, however the new fabric brings with it some added benefits:

1) It wicks moisture away from the inside of the cap evenly for evaporation into the air. This means dryer, cooler heads will prevail on Sunday afternoons in Dolphin Stadium in the middle of July.

2) The underside of the bill will be black. This causes less glare when the player looks up for fly balls or fans with signs proclaiming themselves "Mrs. Wright."

3) The sweat band will be made out of the new fabric. See #1.

4) They won't shrink. This is the best part for me. I fall somewhere between size 7 3/8 and 7 5/8. Reason being- my head is probably a 7 3/8 or 7 1/2, but anyone with a dryer and a midget sweater knows that when you add moisture and heat to wool, it shrinks. So I buy hats that are too big, and wear them even though they're ridiculously far from fitting in the hopes that they'll shrink to fit my head. This has never happened. Not once. Not ever. Those hats now reside in my closet, but for some reason I like that better than buying a hat that fits, only to have it give me pounding headaches after an hour of wear one year later.

5) The dye won't bleed. Hat afficionados know that when you have a hat with a logo that's lighter than the rest of the hat, they will eventually fade and bleed until they match. I have many black or grey hats with whitish logos that are now almost uniformly brown.

6) They cost more. It's only a few bucks, but let's face it: You're guaranteed a hat that will fit you unless your head changes size (Barry Bonds, I'm looking at you), and that will look brand new after repeated wear and even (if you're that kind of girl) washing.

Here's looking forward to a fresh start with a new season.

Contract Negotiations

2007-02-22T11:17:00.000-05:00

It'd be awesome if the way baseball negotiations were handled was if the player came over to the GM's office and a bunch of people on the GM's team had suitcases full of millions of dollars that they'd throw at the feet of the player by the handful, yelling "dance, monkey! dance!" And once the player begins dancing, however much money's at his feet is how much he gets.

My My My Samardzija

2007-01-19T15:18:00.000-05:00

Well well well...the Cubbies have struck again. Today Jeff Samardzija signed a five-year deal with the Chicago Cubs, with the organization holding an option for 2012 and 2013.
The lovable losers from the windy city have had a history of rushing promising pitchers to the major leagues, only to have them break down before realizing their potential.
Right now Kerry Wood and Mark Prior are rolling around in their graves. Wait...They aren't dead? Interesting.
At the same time, the Cubs have cock-blocked the NFL from getting another Great White Hope. Not many white receivers are lighting up the league, as he lit up Division I College Football. This brings to mind one other can't miss prospect who missed in just about every facet of professional sport (except for the part where you make money hand over fist all the while making your employer think you are better than you are), Drew Henson.
The Cubs have made a big mistake. They have tied up guaranteed millions to a unproven commodity, and will pay dearly.
A good pitcher has control before he gets to the professional ranks. Jeff Samardzija has little control (17 SO, 12 BB in 30 IP). Maybe he walked a bunch of people in his first outing. Perhaps he was nervous.
I would be afraid for my starting pitching future if I were a Cubs fan. The over-under for Jeff Samardzija leaving baseball and pursuing an NFL career is year-end 2009. Any takers? I'll give you odds...

謹賀新年：抑えと「ヤンキース撲滅計画」

2007-01-04T09:36:00.000-05:00

And so it's begun. The Red Sox Nation has started its annexation of Japan. The first salvo: a partnership between one of the most popular American Red Sox blogs, Boston Dirt Dogs and one of the most popular Japanese Red Sox blogs Go-RedSox.com. I've taken a look over at Go-RedSox.com, and quite frankly I can't make heads or tails of it. There aren't even any hilarious photos of Boras-san bombing Pearl Harbor. Apparently Japanese blogging is very different from American blogging. Go figure.

However, with the help of the amazingly accurate Google translator, I did manage to snag these gems: "Everyone, opening, you question with the [me], it is. During old year to grant the pulling raising of the lead socks support diary, thank you truly. Also this year changes and cannot increase, about patronage asks may."

I'm sure that's very profound in Japanese. I mean come on, the guy has a blog, and as we all know everyone with a blog is a profoundly gifted writer. But just when I thought that Go-RedSox.com was a dry well for us english speakers, I came across their latest post that (I think) was about Boston's search for a closer (or a bullpen towel boy, who knows?). The candidates:

Jiyonasan Paperubon
Hurian Tabaresu
Burandon Doneri
Microphone Teimurin
Kuretsugu Hansen*
Mani Derukamen*

*compared to Houston Street of the Asurechitsuko, Bobby Jienkusu of the White Socks, and Crith Ray of the Orioruzu.

"Because to in each case Mariano Ribera (Yankisu), BJ Raian (Burujieizu), the ray which then was lifted first it is in margin and a league east, it is at all hard there is no holding down."

Between this development and the WBC, I think it is safe to say that professional baseball has become an international phenomenon.

Avoid The 'Roids

2006-12-28T08:20:00.000-05:00

Steroids are coming back to haunt another baseball season.

100 names and you have to imagine that some of these names will be on the back of the jerseys you wear. Does it matter to the fans? Will the fans find themselves feeling cheated? Soon we will find out, because some lucky sports writer will dig them up. When he or she does you can bet that our sports broadcasts will be littered with steroid talk as each of the accused step up to the plate. Baseball is going to lose me here.

I'm not going to stop watching baseball or stop reading the box scores. I will wince everytime Joe All Suck on My Buck and Joe Bore-gan remind us that so and so was on the list. That so and so has gone through so much and still produces or that maybe his current struggles are because of the poison in the well of his mind. I'm bored with this topic.

Steroids had a place in baseball and so did greenies, acid, and alcohol. I am glad Jose Canseco opened his big dumb trap and exposed the shadows of baseball. The sport will become better because of him. Overall I just want the sport back and the drama out. I don't care who is on the list. I don't care about the records or asterisks. I want to see the double play and the gravity defying leap that makes a run saving out. I want to see the bottom of the ninth bases loaded strike out and the complete game. I want to see a game.

What shoo talkin' 'bout Willis?

2006-12-22T12:29:00.000-05:00

This morning, Dontrelle Willis was arrested on the suspicion of drnuken driving. According to ESPN.com, Willis, one of the game's young stars, was picked up at 4:30 AM Friday morning by the Miami Beach Police.
He probably would have been able to just drive home, but he drew a bit of attention to himself by deciding to take a piss in the middle of a street. After getting caught with the ol' Alabama Blacksnake out, he refused to take a breath test.
It is a far cry from when everyone would just look the other way when athletes and other high profile people were picked up by the fuzz. There was no better police repellent than a famous person saying "Do you know who I am?" With the thirst of information from the public so prominent in society, nothing like this will be unspoken again.
Willis has been Florida's nominee for the Roberto Clemente Award -- presented annually to major league players displaying a commitment to community and understanding the value of helping others -- in each of the last two seasons. Ironic innit?

Kiss (of death) From a Rose

2006-12-20T11:52:00.000-05:00

Apparently Pete Rose is in favor of Mark McGwire being inducted to the Hall of Fame. Regardless of what McGwire may or may not have injected into various parts of his body that may or may not have helped him hit a billion home runs, this can't be good for him.

If I were McGwire, I would have my agent call Rose and ask him to kindly STFU. I don't claim to know much about PR work, but having the one person most closely associated with the term "banned from baseball" as your most vocal public advocate probably hurts a bid for the hall more than it helps. If Rose is really serious about helping McGwire get in, he should do it by leaving him alone and staying out of it.

Hey, Big Spenders

2006-12-18T15:23:00.000-05:00

When the Chicago Cubs and Boston Red Sox were knocked out of the postseason in 2003, the vibe was that they were so close to a World Series bid that they just needed a couple more big pieces and they'd do it in the coming years. The difference? Boston cashed the check they wrote that October, while the Cubs have been headed downhill ever since.

Finally fed up with where the club was headed, Cubs ownership fired manager Dusty Baker and team president Andy MacPhail this winter. Now it appears the Cubs are trying to bypass what most teams would see as a necessary rebuilding period by going on a winter shopping spree not often seen this side of FAO Schwartz. The Cubs have spent this offseason committing $294,550,000.00 to salaries over the next 8 years, with almost half of that promised to the resurgent shortstop Alfonso Soriano. What do they have to show for it?

4 Starting Pitchers: The Cubs have locked up Kerry Wood, Ted Lilly, Jason Marquis and Wade Miller for 2007. Wood and Miller came cheap, so I won't get into the fact that nobody can recall if or when they last had a successful season. Lilly is probably a good deal since, well, he didn't cost them as much as Gil Meche would, and Gil Meche sucks. Jason Marquis is looking at $7M per year over the next 3 years. Not bad for a guy who has only pitched one full season with under a 4.00 ERA, which coincidentally was the only season he posted a winning record.

5 Position Players: Once again, it's safe to assume nobody cares about the $1M Daryle Ward is getting, or who he's getting it from for that matter. 2B Mark DeRosa is a good pickup at a good price. (3 years/$13M total) And Henry Blanco will do well as Michael Barrett's backup. That leaves the two big guns: Aramis Ramirez (5 years/$75M), and Alfonso Soriano (8 years/$136M).

I respect the fact that the Cubs owe a duty to their fans to spend what they can to keep guys like Ramirez around and to put a face on their ball club, which is something the Cubs desperately need in light of the recent success of their crosstown neighbors. I also respect the fact that after years of their rotation being the laughing stock of baseball (what does their trainer get paid, I wonder?), they need to pull something together fast. It's also true that Soriano was the hottest commodity on the market right now and they had to make an offer he couldn't refuse if he was going to come to Chicago.

But that's not the point. I hate to break it to the Cubs and their fans, but history has shown that try as you might, you can't buy a championship on this scale. Now is when people say "well what about the Yankees?" The Yankees spend like crazy, that's true. But in the years where they had consistent success, it wasn't their salaries or big names that got them there. It was the consistency of their roster from season to season. Anyone involved in any team sport anywhere can tell you that the surest way to find success is to 1) have a program that works and 2) get as many people to stay in that program together for as long as possible.

Sure, the Cubs have added at least 5 big names to their roster for 2007. But will that guarantee them success in 2007? No way. This may be a very expensive way to start a 3 to 4 year rebuilding period, but it is not a solution in and of itself.

Bagwell belongs...

2006-12-15T14:28:00.000-05:00

This morning, Jeff Bagwell announced his retirement from the game of baseball. In five years, there is going to be a great debate that will go a li'l something like this:

"Well it looks like Bagwell is going to be up for Hall of Fame election."

"Who?"

Bagwell or as I like to call him, Buff, should be punching his ticket to Cooperstown. He won't. His 449 home runs and 1529 RBI will not be good enough. The fact that he was the best player on a perennial contender in the National League will not be good enough. Right now, 44% of SportsNation on ESPN.com says that Buff does not belong in the Hall of Fame...AND THAT IS ON THE DAY HE RETIRES!!! With five more years in the can, I am willing to bet that number will rise to 75%.

People say three thousand hits is the threshold. Richie Ashburn, as beloved as he is, only amassed 2574 hits in just as many seasons as Buff. Ashburn was supposedly the prototypical lead off hitter. He has a career OBP of .396. That is mere peanuts compared to Buff's .408. Ashburn got into the hall of fame because he was a beloved figure in a bigger market (Philadelphia). Bagwell is going to suffer because he went through an entire career in Houston.

I know what you're saying..."Revis that's crap. I know Ashburn was not exactly the type to punish you with his bat, but he was money in the field." Well to quote Lee Corso, "Not so fast, my friend." Ashburn had a career fielding percentage of .983. Bagwell had a career fielding percentage of .993.

The players that belong in the Hall of Fame are those who made you say "oh shit" whenever they came into the game or came up to bat. Bagwell was definitely that type of player. Being a member of the Astros should not work against him. Give 'em hell Buff. I'll be pulling for you.

Lost in Translation

2006-12-15T11:55:00.000-05:00

Translators are becoming more and more ubiquitous in American professional sports. As more players come from Asia, Central and South America, and the Carribbean to find the American Dream, the language barrier becomes increasingly important. During the season, good translators can be crucial to a player's adjustment to American life and to getting the most out of their coaching and support staff.

In The Year of the Yao, the importance of the translator in modern sports was put in the spotlight. By the end of his first season in the NBA, Yao Ming had formed a bond of trust and companionship with his American translator, relying on him to be the bridge to his social, economic, and athletic advancement. During the season, translation is serious business, but in the offseason with lower stakes, it can be hilarious.

When the Red Sox introduced their newest pitcher to the world, it was through the mouth of Tak Soto, a Japanese translator who leaves much to be desired. Here are some highlights:

Q. I'd like to get your impression of Fenway Park, after pitching off the mound, your initial impression off the park that you're going to be pitching in.

DAISUKE MATSUZAKA: When the season starts, I'm looking forward to the game.

Q. Welcome and I wonder if you could tell us at what point in these negotiations that you realized that you would be coming to the Red Sox, and did you have your doubts that this day would come to pass?

DAISUKE MATSUZAKA: My nickname is Japan is Monster.

Q. Have there been any talk about where you'll fit into the rotation and with your new teammates, has there been any contact with your new teammates?

DAISUKE MATSUZAKA: Not even the game between Yankees and Red Sox in Japan maybe Giants and Tigers.

Q. What do you think of all these journalists being here that are specifically going to cover you? For the last month, there has been a lot of media and a lot of talk, what do you think about it?

DAISUKE MATSUZAKA: I feel very long, even the U.S. negotiation style but I think make it as easy as possible in the meantime.

In case you didn't know, Tampa Bay is a Mickey Mouse Organization

2006-12-14T14:37:00.000-05:00

If you haven't heard the news (judging by the teams involved, you haven't), the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have agreed to play one regular season series in Wald Disney World. On May 15-17, the Texas Rangers will travel to the Happiest Place on Earth to face the Devil Rays for a three game set.

Can we just oust this damn team already? The Rays are a complete waste of space. When they take one step forward, they take fifteen backwards. Major League Baseball has revenue sharing which is supposed to create parity. It isn't working as well as intended, but that's another argument. The Rays do NOTHING to make themselves competitive, barring having Ty Wiggington in the starting lineup. It has a bag of crap stadium. Finally, besides the home opener (wishful thinking), it will be the only home games that the Devil Rays will sell out this year... not hard since the stadium at Disney's Wide World of Sports seats a minor league friendly 9,500.

The only thing that should save this team would be a fairy tale run through the playoffs. Since that won't happen, they can at least give their players the fairy tale of playing to a packed house for three home games in a row, reardless of capacity.

The Zito Negotiations

2006-12-14T13:38:00.000-05:00

Scott Boras has quite a history with big market MLB teams. So much so that they have special strategies for dealing with him when negotiation time comes. Some executives have gone so far as to say that Boras makes up outrageous lies about inflated offers from "mystery teams" to inflate his players' value. Is Boras on his way to a sophomore slump now that he's played his way through the league a few times?

I rented a time machine and cloak of invisibility so that I could be a fly on the wall of the Zito negotiations with Mets GM Omar Minaya and bring you a glimpse into what lies ahead:

Omar Minaya: Good morning Mr. Boras, how have you been?

Scott Boras: I've been great Omar, and please, call me Scott. Let's get down to business, shall we?

OM: Never one to waste time, Scott. I like that. We are prepared to offer Barry $14 million a year for 4 years to pitch for the New York Mets.

SB: Are you kidding? He's worth twice that!

OM: Scott, I don't see why you would scoff at us. It's a fair offer!

SB: Look, I have offers from other teams for $20 million dollars a year for 6 years, and you want me to let Barry eat your scraps?

OM: $20 million for 6 years? What other teams? Even Steinbrenner isn't that crazy.

SB: Never mind that. Look, let's talk about Barry. I don't think you realize what you're investing in here.

OM: And what would that be?

SB: Did you know that Barry was voted most likely to succeed in high school?

OM: I don't see how that...

SB: Enough about the past. I don't like to live in the past. Did you know that Barry has spent the last 3 winters training 8 hours a day...

OM: Well that is impressive.

SB: ...on the MOON!?

OM: Haha. You are joking.

SB: Not at all. He learned how to pitch the Galaxyball from Martians!

OM: Galaxyball?

SB: You betcha. 110 miles per hour and it drops 35 feet. He can throw it 300 times in one day. He had a titanium shoulder installed, and the matching elbow's going in on New Year's. He is studying Zen pitching with a Shaolin monk so he can learn...

OM: How about $16 million a year for 5 years?

SB: Omar, you've got yourself a deal.

So there you have it. You heard it here first, folks.

Cy-Young-Man!

2006-12-14T08:31:00.000-05:00

Daisuke Matsuzaka has landed and inked himself into Red Sox nation. The papers here in Boston are loaded with love for a guy who wanted nothing more than to prove himself in the Majors. What better place to prove yourself than Boston? There are still whispers of doubt from fans who see nothing but a price tag. This isn't some over priced Coach purse from Macy's to make a fashion statement. This is a young talented pitcher with heart and determination to be the best.

I'm totally blind towards the 51 million paid to Seibu. I look at the numbers that matter in the league. Matsuzaka has a chance to make 60 million over 6 years. 60 million dollars!!! That's like getting Ted Lilly or Gil Meche for six years, but we are getting so much more. We not only get a pitcher on the team that won the World Baseball Classic and was on the all WBC team, but the first MVP of the WBC!

Matsuzaka's fastball ranges from 90-96 mph and He also throws a splitter, changeup, slider, and a screwball that often gets confused with the famous gyro ball with almost the same delivery. It is said that he has thrown this pitch and Diasuke continues to work on it.

All of this for 60 million?

I'd rather not go into his fanfare from Japan, but the Japanese have named a generation of its youth after this kid! Now Japan's national treasure is shared by Red Sox fans and things are looking good. The pitching staff consists of three talented 26 year old pitchers who are all signed to be with us for the next 5 seasons. The Red Sox also have two 40 year old veterans in Schilling and Wakefield and a rumored third 43 year old pitcher who has a bit of history here. IF... If the Rocket was to refuel here in Boston for one final mission, we may witness the greatest pitching staff to ever grace the diamond. That's just crazy talk for now though and I am not deranged enough to believe it will come to be.

Look Matt, Cal Ripken!! A lifelong baseball fan's summerlong courtship with his new passion

2006-12-13T17:10:00.000-05:00

It was the summer of 1987. Tracy Jones hit 48 homers, Tom Browning threw a perfect game with 24 strikeouts, and the Yankees played the Reds almost daily. If these baseball stats have you scratching your head it means two things: 1) You know that interleague play wasn't adopted until ten years later and 2) Your name isn't Matt (me), nor is it Dave (my brother).

Dave was the Reds, and 13 years old at the time. I was the Yankees, and 7 at the time. No wonder the Reds showed such dominance in our backyard wiffleball league. I use the word league lightheartedly of course, as the “league” was just Dave and me. We each had several teams, but it was the Yanks vs. the Reds that was ultimately the daily showdown. But the question at hand: What spawned that truly remarkable, seemingly never ending summer of week-long days? Put simply, it was the same vacation that birthed my passion for America's pastime. Without further adieu, here is my story.

School was out. First grade was over, and shortly before that, I had just finished my first year playing tee ball. I was given a brand new baseball glove by my parents, in tribute to my tee ball season. Inside of the mitt, it had this cursive name written—one that I couldn’t read. I asked my brother what it said. He replied “Cal Ripken, Jr.” I responded “OK, I think he’s my new favorite player.” At that time, baseball was a sport that I liked; a sport that I would watch my brother play frequently, but considering it a passion, or going through the arduous task of determining my favorite player, was something I’d never considered—until I got that mitt! Shortly after school (and tee ball) ended, it was announced that my entire family would be taking a trip to Cooperstown, NY. I didn't really think twice about its implications. I remember thinking that a museum would probably be boring, and that I’d be miserable. When we finally arrived, I couldn’t have been more wrong. It was that magical moment, almost twenty years ago, that solidified baseball in my heart forever.

We embarked early one morning, with the destination of Cooperstown a staggeringly long four hour drive away. My brother’s best friend, Mike, had joined us, and we crowded into my mom’s 1979 Chevrolet Malibu. On the way there, Mike hounded my mom for a chocolate shake, an offer to which my mom finally gave in—on Christmas day in 2003. Along the way, also, my brother and Mike hounded me. Every 15 minutes or so one of them would say “Look Matt, Cal Ripken!!” Me, being seven years old, and incredibly gullible, fell for it every time with a resounding “WHERE?!?!” This was greeted by simultaneous laughter from Dave, Mike, and both of my parents every single time.

When we finally arrived in Cooperstown, checked into our motel, and made our way to the museum (this was about 35 “Look Matt, Cal Ripken’s” later), I remember walking into astonishment. My father had predictably parked what seemed like 4 miles away from the museum (maybe to save a dollar on parking??) so we walked along Main Street in Cooperstown. Baseball was EVERYWHERE!! I wanted to stop in every shop along the way to add to my collection of wood framed 1987 Topps baseball cards. I wanted everything! There were pennants, hats, bats, jerseys; you name it… at EVERY STORE! Unfortunately, we didn’t stop at any of the shops. We proceeded into the museum, and I spent hours in ecstasy. Of course, I wanted to run through everything in the blink of an eye, but my slow- paced father had to stop and read every little sign, and every little historical snippet in front of every piece on display. I would have been through that museum in 10 minutes if I had my way. But I’m glad that we took our time. It gave me time to appreciate the Honus Wagner card, and the green uniform worn by the Cincinnati Reds on St. Patrick’s Day in 1978. It also gave me time to finally see Cal Ripken! Well, his 1987 Topps baseball card, at least, displayed proudly with all of the other 1987 cards that were on display at the time. When we were done perusing the museum, we visited a local batting cage that also had a booth to test your fastball. I set the record in my age group that week, with an astounding toss that registered 39 mph! While there, my parents bought several of those plastic imitation batting helmets for all of us boys. Included in the collection were helmets of the Yankees, Reds, and Orioles.

After our stay in Cooperstown ended, we journeyed home. Mike repeatedly asked for a chocolate shake. I had gotten wise to the claims about Cal Ripken walking down the street (sorta) and thought it was cute by countering “Look Dave, Dave Winfield!!” Winfield was my brother’s favorite player at the time, but he predictably never fell for my bogus claims. So much for seven year old logic! But, when we got home, the first thing we did was play wiffleball, plastic batting helmets and all. And for the rest for the summer, we played wiffleball. All I could think about that summer was baseball! And here I am, nearly twenty years later, and all I can think about is baseball.

Since 1987, I’ve been back to Cooperstown several times. The most recent trip was in 2001, right after Dave Winfield was inducted. Dave and Mike accompanied me on this journey, and, predictably, Mike wanted a chocolate shake, and the phrase “Look Matt, Cal Ripken” was uttered every fifteen minutes or so. That time, however, I didn’t fall for it.

I do look forward to falling for it, though. With Cal Ripken now eligible for, and seeming to be a lock for, induction, I hope my schedule will allow me to attend his induction ceremony. As I watch him speak, I do hope that Dave and Mike will be standing beside me saying “Look Matt, Cal Ripken.”

Fiscally Responsible Natives? Get outta town!

2006-12-13T16:17:00.000-05:00

The Atlanta Braves have proven time and again that no man is above the organization...unless that man's name is Andruw Jones. Yesterday, they decided not to tender a contract to Marcus Giles. Giles, 28 has been a fixture in the Braves middle infield since his callup in 2001.

Although his offensive numbers tailed off considerably last year (.262 BA, .341 OBP, 105 SO), he would be a steal for most teams at the second base position...as long as you don't have to make him hit leadoff.

He is a bulldog. He gives you one-hundred percent every time he steps between the lines, and it shows. He is a solid fielder. The man makes his plays (.981 Career Fielding Pct.) He is a leader. He hasn't been the type to give a good soundbyte, but he leads by example. Finally, he looks damn handsome in eye-black.

Are the Braves being too tight by not tendering him an offer for 2007? If the Padres bring him on to bat lead off, John Schuerholz will look like a genius again. If he goes somewhere and bats toward the end of a lineup, Schuerholz will look like a silly goose, especially with three utility men penciled in for second base duty as of now.

Tora! Tora! Torah!

2006-12-13T15:06:00.000-05:00

Tora is Japanese for Tiger, Torah is Hebrew for Lesson. The Red Sox have devoted the bulk of their resources this offseason to catch a tiger by its tail. Pending a physical, Daisuke "Dice-K" Matsuzaka will summer in Beantown beneath the shade of the Green Monster. This pretty much seals the deal on their pitching rotation, adding to existing veterans Curt Schilling, Tim Wakefield and young guns Josh Beckett and Jonathan Papelbon.

Let's not forget the Sox have added a second tiger, Hideki Okajima to their bullpen, but that's far from the end of the story of the Red Sox bullpen, which has plagued them with issues for the past two seasons. With Eric Gagne now off the market, we'll have to wait and see if Theo Epstein can give us another lesson in negotiating to snag a closer and maybe one more established reliever. Hopefully, he won't do something stupid like deal Papelbon for another reclamation project a la Bronson Arroyo for Wily "will he?" Mo Pena.

The offseason is still young, and Matsuzaka agent Scott Boras is now free to make what may be the biggest deal of the winter as he finds a new home for Barry Zito.

*Special thanks to Spilli-san for supplying puns and a title.